2007-02-21 - 6:05 p.m.

i know i said i would make this a yearly thing. but. too many people know about my livejournal.

is it wrong to be jealous? is it wrong.. i don't even know. he went to the hospital to get tests done with his "sister". i called him, and he was leaving the hospital.sure, my phone hasn't been working since it went swimming on monday, but you would think he would at least call to leave a message, right? but i called him and he sounded better. like. not miserable better. i'm beginning to wonder if i make him miserable. i mean-not me. but like, because i have a "poor baby" not a "suck it up" attitude. he sounded like he was having fun. ugh. maybe it's because i haven't seen him in a while. no. he was here two weeks ago. but still. he just came back to his room to get his pills he's supposed to take with food. and told me "i'm sorry i worried you" and i told him that i'm not worried. and i know nothing has ever happened between them. and they're going to have dinner and whatever.

i think i'm jealous that he has a friend who would do that for him. i mean. my sister is here. but that's not the same-she's family. family is always there for each other. but like. a friend. i'm pathetic. i know.

i better do homework. lots to do. and i really can't just dwell on the fact that i'm miserable. even if i am.

you know what sucks? feeling like you can't be upset about anything. like, when he left from his visit here i told him i wouldn't cry. i didn't when he was in the parking lot. but as soon as he drove away i just broke down. i cried myself to sleep that night. i know i shouldn't have to lie to him about this stuff. it just. i don't know. and like, now. when he's sick. i have to be strong and i have to "not worry" about him. even though i'm like, making myself sick over it. i really should go though. homework to do.

and school hasn't gotten any better. it still sucks. and i still haven't gone to a party. or had any alcohol. soo.. yea.

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