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2007-04-01 - 11:28 a.m. why do i keep doing this to myself? last night i told ryan i don't know about us. because he tells me that he thinks i'm his soulmate. but sometimes i don't think we're right. if we were right... it wouldn't be this hard..... or maybe that's just my stupid image of love or whatever. all i know is i really need a best girlfriend. because the thought hit me last night that i don't. i have friends, sure. but i don't have a best girlfriend who will be there whenever i need her... like at 1AM. i just wish i had a girlfriend i could turn to whenever i needed her.... like i just read this book, the virginity club. it's a good book about these four best friends who get in this huge fight but then it all works out because they all love each other and life is wonderful once they make up and everything. i wish i had that. even if it was just one best girlfriend. to tell her stuff like this. like that i'm doubting my love for ryan. that when i do doubt our relationship it kills me. i just don't know anymore.
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